{"id":348,"date":"2018-01-14T16:01:42","date_gmt":"2018-01-14T16:01:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sellingsherpa.com\/?p=348"},"modified":"2018-01-17T02:43:48","modified_gmt":"2018-01-17T02:43:48","slug":"never-split-the-difference-book-summary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sellingsherpa.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/14\/never-split-the-difference-book-summary\/","title":{"rendered":"Never Split the Difference (Book Summary)"},"content":{"rendered":"

The following is a summary of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It<\/a> by Chris Voss & Tahl Raz.<\/p>\n

[Here is a convenient PDF version<\/a> of this summary.]<\/p>\n

Mindset & Tactical Empathy<\/h2>\n
    \n
  • Get over your aversion to negotiating.<\/strong> Negotiation is not a battle; it is a process of discovery.<\/li>\n
  • Creative solutions are almost always preceded by some degree of risk, annoyance, confusion, and conflict.<\/li>\n
  • Maintain self-control and emotional regulation<\/strong>. Don\u2019t deny your emotions or ignore those of others; identify & influence them.<\/li>\n
  • Anger reduces your cognitive resources which leads to bad concessions.<\/li>\n
  • A \u201cno deal\u201d is better than a bad deal.<\/li>\n
  • Recognize others are neither fully rational nor completely selfish; they want to feel safe, and to feel in control, to be understood, and to be accepted<\/strong>. View your relationship with your counterpart as therapeutic.<\/li>\n
  • Early on, make the other person and what they have to say your sole & all-encompassing focus so that you can create an atmosphere of unconditional positive regard, trust, & safety. Work to calm people down, establish rapport, elicit needs, and build empathy<\/strong><\/li>\n
  • Discern between people\u2019s wants (aspirations) and needs (the bare minimum for a deal \u2013 monetarily, emotionally, etc.)<\/li>\n
  • Hold & continuously update multiple hypotheses \u2013 about the situation, about the counterpart\u2019s wants, etc.<\/li>\n
  • Don\u2019t commit to assumptions; instead, view them as hypotheses to be rigorously tested<\/li>\n
  • Prepare extensively AND use your skills to reveal inevitable surprises; remain open emotionally open to all possibilities<\/li>\n
  • Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of your counterparty; it is not agreeing with them. It is understanding why their actions make sense to them and what might move them.<\/li>\n
  • Do not approach negotiation thinking your counterpart thinks the same way you do<\/li>\n
  • Rather than confronting or defeating, coax & co-opt your counterparty into suggesting the solution himself\/herself<\/li>\n
  • View your counterpart as your partner rather than your adversary<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

     <\/p>\n

    Calibrated Questions<\/h2>\n

    Definition<\/u>:<\/p>\n

    An open-ended questioned designed to do one or more of the following:<\/p>\n

      \n
    • Give your counterpart the illusion of control so that they reveal information<\/li>\n
    • Remove aggression by gently saying \u201cNo\u201d instead counteroffering or directly confronting them, for example, by stating your counterpart\u2019s offer is unattractive<\/li>\n
    • Educate your counterpart on what the problem is rather than telling them what it is<\/li>\n
    • Insinuate your counterpart is being dishonest or unfair<\/li>\n
    • Introduce ideas or requests without sounding pushy<\/li>\n
    • Imply that you want what your counterpart wants and need their help to overcome the problem \/ find a viable solution<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      Considerations<\/u>:<\/p>\n

        \n
      • Optimally begin with \u201cHow\u2026?\u201d or \u201cWhat\u2026?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
      • Only start with \u201cWhy..?\u201d when the defensiveness such a question creates supports the change you are trying to get your counterpart to see\/make. For instance, to flip your counterpart to your side, ask \u201cWhy would you ever do business with me?\u201d<\/li>\n
      • Your delivery must convey that you are genuinely asking for help<\/strong><\/li>\n
      • When you are verbally assaulted, do not counterattack; instead, disarm your counterpart by asking a calibrated question<\/li>\n
      • Be ready to execute follow-up labels in response to their answers to your calibrated questions<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        Example(s):<\/u><\/p>\n

          \n
        • To gently say no:\n
            \n
          • \u201cHow am I supposed to do that?\u201d <\/strong><\/li>\n
          • \u201cWhat do you want me to do?\u201d<\/li>\n
          • \u201cHow would you like me to proceed?\u201d<\/li>\n
          • “How is that worthwhile?”<\/li>\n
          • “How does that affect things?”<\/li>\n
          • “How does this fit into what the objective is?”<\/li>\n
          • \u201cWhat do you hope to achieve by \u2026\u201d (instead of \u201cYou can\u2019t \u2026)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
          • In response to no:\n
              \n
            • \u201cWhat about this does not work for you?\u201d<\/li>\n
            • \u201cWhat would you need to make it work?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
            • To provide the illusion of control\n
                \n
              • \u201cHow can we solve this problem?\u201d<\/li>\n
              • \u201cHow can I help to make this better for us?\u201d<\/li>\n
              • \u201cWhat happens if you do nothing?\u201d or \u201cWhat does doing nothing cost you?\u201d<\/li>\n
              • \u201cHow does making this deal resonate with what your company prides itself on?\u201d<\/li>\n
              • \u201cHow does this look to you?\u201d or \u201cWhat about this works for you? (instead of \u201cDoes this look like something you would like?\u201d)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
              • To unearth deal-killing issues:\n
                  \n
                • \u201cWhat is the biggest challenge you face?\u201d (use at the beginning of nearly every negotiation)<\/li>\n
                • \u201cWhat\u2019s the core issue here?\u201d<\/li>\n
                • “What is it that brought us into this situation?”<\/li>\n
                • \u201cWhat are we up against here?\u201d<\/li>\n
                • \u201cWhat\u2019s the objective?\u201d<\/li>\n
                • \u201cWhat are we trying to accomplish here?\u201d<\/li>\n
                • \u201cWhat about this is important to you?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                • To identify behind the table deal killers:\n
                    \n
                  • “How does this affect the rest of your team?”<\/li>\n
                  • “How on board are the people not on this call?”<\/strong><\/li>\n
                  • “What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                     <\/p>\n

                    Mirroring & Listening<\/h2>\n

                    Definition:<\/u><\/p>\n

                    Mirroring is repeating the last critical (one to) three words<\/strong> of what someone has just said to:<\/p>\n

                      \n
                    • Buy time<\/li>\n
                    • Insinuate similarity which creates bonding & empathy<\/li>\n
                    • Encourage your counterpart to reveal their strategy<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                      Considerations:<\/u><\/p>\n

                        \n
                      • The intention behind most mirrors should be, \u201cPlease help me understand\u201d so you will typically end on an up-inflection<\/li>\n
                      • For variety, prepend \u201cI\u2019m sorry, \u2026 to your mirror\u201d<\/li>\n
                      • In order to discover truth and subtext, be a hyper-attentive listener to (a) verbal = what is said (b) para-verbal = how it\u2019s said (c) non-verbal<\/li>\n
                      • Do not (automatically) take what other people say literally<\/li>\n
                      • Use encouragers such as \u201cyes,\u201d \u201cOK,\u201d \u201cuh-huh,\u201d or \u201cI see,\u201d albeit sparingly & genuinely<\/li>\n
                      • Listen for consciously or subconsciously loopholes and ambiguities that people are likely to exploit later<\/strong><\/li>\n
                      • No matter how much research you have done, ask yourself \u201cWhy are they communicating what they are communicating right now?\u201d<\/li>\n
                      • In order to listen fully, strive to negotiate face-to-face<\/strong>. Pay special attention during unguarded moments including the first few minutes, interruptions\/breaks, and the last few moments<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                        Example(s): <\/u><\/p>\n

                          \n
                        • Them: \u201cLet\u2019s make two copies of all the paperwork.\u201d You: \u201cI\u2019m sorry, two copies?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                           <\/p>\n

                          Accusation Audit & Dynamic Agreement<\/h2>\n

                          Definition:<\/u><\/p>\n

                          Sharing all the worst things your counterpart could say about you<\/strong> (before they do) to clear barriers to agreement<\/p>\n

                          Considerations:<\/u><\/p>\n

                            \n
                          • Imagine yourself in your counterpart\u2019s situation<\/li>\n
                          • At the end of the accusation audit, ask for input<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                            Example(s): <\/u><\/p>\n

                              \n
                            • \u201cYou may feel like we have treated you unfairly\u2026 What else do you feel is important to add to this?\u201d<\/li>\n
                            • \u201cI\u2019ve got a lousy proposition for you. (pause for counterparty to say \u2018go on\u2019) By the time we get off the phone, you\u2019re going to think I\u2019m a lousy businessperson.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                               <\/p>\n

                              Personal pronouns<\/h2>\n

                              Definition:<\/u><\/p>\n

                              The use of we\/they versus I\/me<\/p>\n

                              Considerations:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                \n
                              • More important people make themselves sound less important by using we\/they<\/strong> instead of I\/me.<\/li>\n
                              • Avoid the word \u201cI\u201d since it gets people\u2019s guard up<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                 <\/p>\n

                                Labeling<\/h2>\n

                                Definition:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                Acknowledging\/validating your counterpart\u2019s emotions to:<\/p>\n

                                  \n
                                • Diffuse (or defuse) negative emotions<\/li>\n
                                • Reinforce positive emotions<\/li>\n
                                • Invite your counterpart to reveal himself\/herself<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                  Considerations:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                    \n
                                  • Labels can be phrased as statements or questions; employ softening words like \u201cperhaps,\u201d \u201cmaybe,\u201d \u201cI think,\u201d or \u201cIt seems.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                  • Labels typically begin with (a) \u201cIt seems like<\/strong> you value\/don\u2019t value\/are reluctant to\u2026\u201d (b) \u201cIt sounds like<\/strong>\u2026\u201d (c) \u201cIt looks like<\/strong>\u2026\u201d<\/li>\n
                                  • You can also intentionally mislabel a person\u2019s emotions or desires<\/li>\n
                                  • Labels can be observations, veiled accusations, or genuine flattery<\/li>\n
                                  • After you have thrown out a label, be quiet & listen<\/li>\n
                                  • Call people by the name you want them to be. (ex: “You are very generous, but I’m afraid that does not work for me.”)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                    Example(s): <\/u><\/p>\n

                                      \n
                                    • \u201cIt all seems so tragically unfair; I can now see why you sound so angry.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                    • \u201cIt seems that you feel my bill is unjustified.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                    • \u201cIt seems like you are the type of person who prides himself on the way he does business \u2014 rightfully so \u2014 and has a knack for not only expanding the pie but making the ship run more efficiently.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                    • \u201cIt seems you don\u2019t want to be known as a person who reneges on agreements.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                       <\/p>\n

                                      Summaries, Yes, No, & \u201cThat\u2019s Right\u201d<\/h2>\n

                                      Definition:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                        \n
                                      • Three kinds of yes\u2019s\n
                                          \n
                                        • Counterfeit: Counterparty plans on saying no but is using yes as an escape or to get an edge<\/li>\n
                                        • Confirmation: an innocent affirmation<\/li>\n
                                        • Commitment: a true agreement<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                        • Summary = paraphrase (meaning) + a label (emotions)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                          Considerations:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                            \n
                                          • Use summaries to trigger a \u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d<\/strong> instead of \u201cYes,\u201d at every stage of a negotiation<\/li>\n
                                          • Pushing for \u201cyes\u201d just angers the other side.<\/li>\n
                                          • \u201cMaybe\u201d is often worthless.<\/li>\n
                                          • \u201cNo\u201d is valuable since it always alters the conversation<\/li>\n
                                          • \u201cYou\u2019re right\u201d is a disaster since the subtext is (almost) always “Enough, go away.”<\/li>\n
                                          • \u201cI\u2019ll try\u201d is a disaster; it means \u201cI plan to fail\u201d<\/li>\n
                                          • Avoid questions that can be answered by \u201cyes\u201d or with tiny pieces of information.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                            Example(s):<\/u><\/p>\n

                                              \n
                                            • Instead of \u201cNo,\u201d use \u201cYour offer is very generous, I\u2019m sorry, that just doesn\u2019t work for me.\u201d Or \u201cI\u2019m sorry but I\u2019m afraid I just can\u2019t do that.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                            • Reword your \u201cyes\u201d oriented questions into \u201cno\u201d oriented questions — Instead of saying “Would you like to do this?\u201d, say:\n
                                                \n
                                              • “Is it ridiculous to…?”<\/li>\n
                                              • “Is it a bad idea to…?”<\/li>\n
                                              • “Are you against…”<\/li>\n
                                              • “Have you given up on…?”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                 <\/p>\n

                                                Deadlines & Patience<\/h2>\n
                                                  \n
                                                • Deadlines make people (including you) rush and do impulsive things that are against their best interests. Good negotiators resist this urge and take advantage of it in others.<\/li>\n
                                                • Patience is a formidable weapon. Find opportunities to slow things down (esp. when things get intense)<\/li>\n
                                                • Deadlines are almost never ironclad<\/li>\n
                                                • Share your deadline<\/strong> since hiding it dramatically increases the risk of an impasse<\/li>\n
                                                • Punching back is a last resort. Before you go there, suggest a timeout to de-escalate the situation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                   <\/p>\n

                                                  Black Swans & Leverage<\/h2>\n

                                                  Definition:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                                    \n
                                                  • Black swans = Information regarding an \u201cunknown unknown\u201d that can lead to dramatic breakthroughs in the negotiation, esp. by shifting leverage<\/li>\n
                                                  • Positive leverage = your ability to provide or withhold things your counterpart wants<\/li>\n
                                                  • Negative leverage = your ability to make your counterpart suffer<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                    Considerations:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                                      \n
                                                    • Hypothesis: Each side in a negotiation has at least three Black Swans<\/li>\n
                                                    • You should always be aware of which side, at any given moment, feels they have the most to lose if negotiations collapse<\/li>\n
                                                    • Normative leverage, a type of negative leverage, is using the other party\u2019s values, norms, or standards to advance your position.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                      Examples:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                                        \n
                                                      • Negative leverage: \u201cIf you don\u2019t fulfill your commitment, I will destroy your reputation.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                         <\/p>\n

                                                        Tone of voice<\/h2>\n
                                                          \n
                                                        • Late-night FM DJ voice = the voice of calm and reason; deep, soft, slow, reassuring, and ending with down-inflections. Use selectively to make a point.<\/li>\n
                                                        • Positive\/playful voice<\/strong> = easygoing & good natured. Use this voice most of the time. A smile on your face will come through in your voice.<\/li>\n
                                                        • Direct & assertive voice = use this rarely<\/li>\n
                                                        • Verbal pace \u2013 by speaking slowly and clearly, you convey that you are in control<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                           <\/p>\n

                                                          Loss aversion & the certainty effect<\/h2>\n

                                                          Definition:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                                            \n
                                                          • Loss aversion = People will take greater risks to avoid losses than to achieve gains.<\/li>\n
                                                          • Certainty effect = people are drawn to sure things over probabilities, even when the probability is a better choice<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                            Considerations:<\/u><\/p>\n

                                                              \n
                                                            • Frame your offer in such a way that not accepting it feels like a concrete loss<\/strong><\/li>\n
                                                            • Use \u201cnot lose\u201d instead of \u201ckeep\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                              Example(s): <\/u><\/p>\n

                                                                \n
                                                              • \u201cI wanted to bring this opportunity to you before I took it to someone else.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                                 <\/p>\n

                                                                Offers & Anchors<\/h2>\n
                                                                  \n
                                                                • Let your counterparty make the first offer<\/strong> unless you have exceptionally strong information about the market value; this will provide you with valuable information. However, protect yourself from being anchored by premeditating your own goal and by viewing their offer as outrageous.<\/li>\n
                                                                • Experienced negotiators often lead with a ridiculous offer, an extreme anchor. Note that anchoring too high interferes with collaboration.<\/li>\n
                                                                • For your first counter-offer (or offer), offer a range<\/strong>, expecting buyers to focus on the lower end (and sellers to focus on the higher end)<\/li>\n
                                                                • Negotiate non-monetary terms, especially things that are asymmetrically important (i.e. important to them but not to you). This can be done proactively as a \u201cconciliatory gesture\u201d to create reciprocity.<\/li>\n
                                                                • Pivot to non-monetary terms in response to heated price negotiation. For example,\n
                                                                    \n
                                                                  • \u201cLet\u2019s put price off to the side for a moment and talk about what would make this a good deal.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                  • \u201cWhat else would you be able to offer to make that a good price for me?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                                                  • When you talk numbers, use odd ones since 0s feel temporary<\/strong> (ex: $1.99 instead of $2.00)<\/li>\n
                                                                  • Never compromise since it leads to sub-optimal solutions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                                     <\/p>\n

                                                                    Fairness<\/h2>\n
                                                                      \n
                                                                    • The most powerful word in negotiations is \u201cFair\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                    • People comply with negotiations if they feel they have been treated fairly<\/li>\n
                                                                    • Employ the idea of fairness to nudge your counterpart<\/li>\n
                                                                    • There are three ways the word \u201cFair\u201d is used:\n
                                                                        \n
                                                                      • Judo: To manipulate & destabilize the other side. Ex: \u201cWe just want what\u2019s fair.\u201d If used on you, respond with, \u201cOK, I apologize. Let\u2019s stop everything and go back to where I started<\/li>\n
                                                                      • treating you unfairly and we\u2019ll fix it.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                      • Accusatory: Label you as dense or dishonest. Ex: \u201cWe\u2019ve given you a fair offer.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                      • Constructive: Ex: \u201cI want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I\u2019m being unfair, and we\u2019ll address it .\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                                         <\/p>\n

                                                                        Guarantee execution<\/h2>\n
                                                                          \n
                                                                        • Your job as a negotiator is to get to an agreement that can be implemented and to make sure it happens<\/li>\n
                                                                        • \u201cYes\u201d is nothing without \u201cHow\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
                                                                        • When implementation happens by committee, the support of that committee is key \u2013 even if you are dealing with the CEO. You always have to identify and unearth their motivations even if they are not directly involved. That can be easy as asking a few calibrated questions, like\n
                                                                            \n
                                                                          • \u201cHow does this affect the rest of your team?\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                          • \u201cHow on board are the people not on this call?\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                          • \u201cWhat do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                                                          • To seal the deal, strive to get your counterpart to say yes three times\n
                                                                              \n
                                                                            • 1: initial commitment<\/li>\n
                                                                            • 2: Answering \u201cThat\u2019s right\u201d to your summary<\/li>\n
                                                                            • 3: Answers to: “How will we know we are on track?” and “How will we address things if we find we are off track?”<\/li>\n
                                                                            • The best phrase is \u201cThat was brilliant\u201d since people are more likely to implement when it is their idea<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                                                                               <\/p>\n

                                                                              Communication styles<\/h2>\n

                                                                              Seek to treat others in the way they (not you) want to be treated<\/strong>.\u00a0 As negotiators, you and your counterpart fall into one of three broad categories:<\/p>\n

                                                                                \n
                                                                              1. Accommodators\n
                                                                                  \n
                                                                                • Desire relationship building, especially through free-flowing, continuous exchange of information<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                                                                • Assertives\n
                                                                                    \n
                                                                                  • Want to be heard<\/li>\n
                                                                                  • In a rush since \u2018time is money\u2019<\/li>\n
                                                                                  • Blunt assertion is counterproductive most of the time<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                                                                  • Analysts\n
                                                                                      \n
                                                                                    • Methodical, diligent, reserved, and not in a rush<\/li>\n
                                                                                    • Hypersensitive to reciprocity<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                       <\/p>\n

                                                                                      Ackerman Model<\/h2>\n
                                                                                        \n
                                                                                      1. Set your target price (your goal).<\/li>\n
                                                                                      2. Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price.<\/li>\n
                                                                                      3. Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95, and 100 percent).<\/li>\n
                                                                                      4. Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying \u201cNo\u201d to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer<\/li>\n
                                                                                      5. When calculating the final amount, use precise, non-round numbers like $37,893 rather than $38,000. It gives the number credibility and weight.<\/li>\n
                                                                                      6. On your final number, throw in a nonmonetary item (that they probably don\u2019t want) to show you\u2019re at your limit.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                         <\/p>\n

                                                                                        Pre-negotiation one-sheet<\/h2>\n

                                                                                        Before going into a negotiation, prepare a negotiation one sheet (but don\u2019t script the negotiation since flexibility is critical)<\/p>\n

                                                                                          \n
                                                                                        1. The Goal\n
                                                                                            \n
                                                                                          • Think through the best & worse case scenarios but only write down the specific, optimistic but reasonable goal that represents the best case<\/strong>.<\/li>\n
                                                                                          • Writing down your worst-case outcome, your BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement) trick you into aiming low<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                                                                          • Summary\n
                                                                                              \n
                                                                                            • Write out the known facts that have led up to this negotiation in a way that your counterpart would respond with \u201cThat\u2019s right.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                                            • Why are you there? What do you want? What do they want? Why?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                                                                            • Labels & accusation audit\n
                                                                                                \n
                                                                                              • Prepare an accusation audit in the form of labels your counterpart would levy on you. Then, role-play them so you are prepared to respond.<\/li>\n
                                                                                              • Similarly, prepare a set of labels to use on your counterpart.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                                                                              • Calibrated questions\n
                                                                                                  \n
                                                                                                • Prepare three to five calibrated questions to reveal value to you and your counterpart and identify and overcome potential deal killers.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                                                                                                • Noncash offers\n
                                                                                                    \n
                                                                                                  • Prepare a list of noncash items possessed by your counterpart that would be valuable<\/li>\n
                                                                                                  • Ask yourself: What could they give that would almost get us to do it for free?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                                                                                     <\/p>\n

                                                                                                    Additional concepts & tips<\/h2>\n
                                                                                                      \n
                                                                                                    • No communication is always a bad sign<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Open calls with \u201cIs now a bad time to talk?\u201d instead of \u201cIs this a good time to talk?\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Restart a stalled deal with a one-line email: \u201cHave you given up on this project?\u201d or \u201cHave you given up on settling this amicably?\u201d or \u201cHave you given up on finalizing this deal this year?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Increasing specificity (of what, who, when, and how) on threats indicates getting close to real consequences.<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Use an apology with the person\u2019s first name to seed more warmth. For example, \u201cI\u2019m sorry Robert.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Remember that your reputation precedes you, for better or for worse<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • A change in negotiators almost always signals the other side means to take a harder line<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • There is always a team on the other side. If you are not influencing those behind the table, you are vulnerable.<\/strong><\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • On average, liars use more words, more complex sentences, and more third-person pronouns than truth tellers<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Use your name to humanize yourself. Ex: \u201cHow much is the \u2018Chris\u2019 discount?\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Deliver threats without anger. For example, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, that just doesn\u2019t work for me.\u201d<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Use \u201c\u2026 because\u2026\u201d – People respond favorably to requests made in a reasonable tone of voice and followed by a because reason (even if the reason isn\u2019t great)<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Negotiation skills are perishable (so continually hone them)<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • The most dangerous negotiation is one you don\u2019t know you are in.<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • There can be great power in deference. People love when someone does not have to be deferential but does anyway. It works on subordinates, peers, and superiors.<\/li>\n
                                                                                                    • Instead of asking, “What is your budget?”, say, “It sounds like you have a range in mind.”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                                                                                                      The following is a summary of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss & Tahl Raz. [Here is a convenient PDF version of this summary.] Mindset & Tactical Empathy Get over your aversion to negotiating. Negotiation is not a battle; it is a process of discovery. Creative […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":350,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_import_markdown_pro_load_document_selector":0,"_import_markdown_pro_submit_text_textarea":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-348","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-uncategorized","entry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t